Some of you may be thinking, based on the title, that this post will be a recount of some of the many faux pas committed by me while inebriated. I am afraid it is not. What use would it be though, most of you have seen the various incarnations of drunken Gary, sometimes he is happy, sometimes wildly inappropriate, and sometimes he throws his shoe at the wall because FUCK HIS SHOE!!!!
Today’s post has been brought to you by the visit I just made to my first Kindergarten (playschool) since the school year started back. When I look at it now it was really not all that different from every other visit I have made to the school, but for one thing. It is something that, by right, I should have experienced already but good luck seems to have kept me safe…and complacent.
I went to 山ノ井保育園 (yama-no-i-hoikuen). I never look forward to going to these places as I always feel unprepared, I hope that my material will last the hour, if it does not then I will look foolish. Once I am at the school, however, I always have a good time. Very young children are amongst the funniest you will meet, if they are happy to see you they will jump up and down, run around the room and beat the living shit out of you if the can. They say whatever pops into their head which in my case translates as *touches belly “Pyong”. I try not to take offense/cry.
So there I am, taking the usual abuse and trying to sound stern. “Stop that please”, I said this to the child trying to Kancho me (don’t know what Kancho is? Well just click here to find out). He simply laughed and went about his business of trying to kancho my business. I then said “やめろ！！(yamero = Stop it!!)” in a harsh voice. This is the most severe order form I know in Japanese, after trying every polite way I knew I tried to sound angry. The child then laughed and told another child what I said. I know some of you may think it is cute, but it is unbelievably frustrating when a child is trying to hurt you and no matter what you say or do, it (yes “it”) will not stop. I resorted to hard core ignoring that child. But I digress!
Class had begun and we were about to play a game which required the children to get into a large circle. In that school they have a song for everything including making large circles. So they sang the “let’s make a circle” song. While singing they hold hands so they can make a fairly even circle and everyone is accounted for. I was playing the game too and so took the hands of the children who had come up to me. Remember these are 3-5 years olds and so have tiny hands. My giant Irish hand enveloped one child’s hand and covered all the way up his wrist, to his sleeve…his wet sleeve. I felt the moist sleeve in the dry room and was instantly horrified. “Why is his sleeve wet, this room is dry, they haven’t been outside, why is his sleeve wet!?”. The truth was there but I just didn’t want to know it, didn’t want to allow myself to realise that the two main possibilities were that he had gnawed the sleeve into moisticity or….or he had done what every child has done since the invention of the sleeve…used it as a snot rag!!! So that was unpleasant!